I figured since I am in a place that has pretty reliable internet I should keep the ball rolling and do another update so I don't get super far behind like I have been. Maybe it'll make my blog more interesting cause I'll actually be able remember everything rather than forget it all as the months slip away.
So this time around you guys get to hear about me and Brit's adventures in Nepal! Honestly I don't think it will be as good as my last couple entries cause we didn't get up to as much exciting stuff but I think most of you reading this will find it a bit funnier cause it seems you all like to laugh at my misery and at how sick and poopy my butt gets. Well Nepal definetly kicked my ass in that department which made for a pretty wretched few days, both for me and Brit. I feel I should say this now though, because anytime I talk to anyone back at home all they wanna know about is how sick I am, I am not as violently ill as regularily as some of you may think (or perhaps hope) I am. Sorry to anyone that has been getting a good chuckle at my misfortune but since Nepal I have pretty much been 100% healthy. However, just by typing that I have probably jinxed myself and am now going to get the worst shits I've had yet...
Anyways, onto the blog! So we left my parents in Johdpur and caught an overnight train to Delhi where we hopped on our next flight to Kathmandu. It was a quick once since the places are real close to each other and after several weeks in India I was glad to be outta the country. I will def miss the delicious food though. I neglected to mention in my last update how me and Brit ate like starving pigs while in India. But, we feasted alot on tons of different curry dishes, kofta, aloo ghobi, tandoori, jasmine rice, and naan bread. I'm guessing not all of you know what some of those dishes are so you'll have to trust me that they are delicious but will made you gain hella weight super fast. Brit and I are both fatties after India. Ok, onto Nepal for real now.
So we got into Kathmandu and were pretty relieved to see that it was a lot less hectic than the India cities. We got into a guesthouse and were psyched on how cheap it was $3 dollars a night for both of us! Then we hit the streets. The area we were in was pretty much a giant market for the whitey's travelling there. Every building was a store selling knick knacks or trekking gear, and if it wasn't selling that stuff it was a restuarant selling super cheap food. We stayed a couple nights in the city trying to figure out what we wanted to do while in the country since we really had no idea. We aren't the biggest hikers so neither of us were super big on trekking but it seemed like the thing to do so we planned on going for about a 4 night trek in the mountains. Along with that, we planned to head to Chitwan National Park to see the Rhino's, one of the animals we kinda missed out on seeming in Africa (we saw some of them but they were pretty far away). We met a guy from Boston named Andrew who took us to his guesthouse where we met an Aussie couple named Steve and Amy. Steve was a big climber and gave us tons of tips on where to go and what to do in Nepal. We took his ideas and had our route set for the country. They had just come back from Chitwan (which is one of the reasons we got psyched to go) and Steve was covered in ticks from walking around the jungle. He had about 8 on him but was saying that was nothing cause back home in Australia he's had close to 200 on him at a time. He also let us know we would most likely get a few in Chitwan...since I love blood sucking creatures burrowing into my skin I was pretty psyched to hear that. We went out to dinner with them all one night and the place kept bringing everyone free shots of the local rice wine...which wasn't wine at all it was high octane booze that smelled putrid (brew) and even though I didn't drink any I can imagine it tasted like poop. Brit downed a few shots though. On one of the nights while we were sitting around the bonfire some slick looking middle Eastern guy was there getting super wasted. Apparently he was part of some mafia type organization and had the staff waiting on him hand and foot. It was pretty funny/sketchy cause the guy was wasted almost falling into the fire and saying absurd shit, but no one could do anything about him for fear of gettin gunned down or somethin weird like that. He also started to freak out and accuse Steve of stealing his wallet and his phone...
So we set off to Chitwan on a pretty decent bus compared to what we were used too. Once we got there we were accosted by touts trying to get us into their guesthouses. We dodged all the grabby hands and went with one guy who was polite enough not to get nose to nose with us and shout in our faces to come with him. Got to our guesthouse and got our stuff all organized for our jungle safari. Part of the deal was we got to go to an elephant breeding center and pet the baby elephants that evening. I was super excited for this cause in Africa I missed out on the baby elephants due to being a sick mess nearly unconscious on the floor of the squatter toilet bathroom. So we loaded up and headed out to see some baby pachyderms!
Once we got there we had to walk across a bridge made of sticks over a river, halfway we got held up by a long trail of goats also trying to cross. They won the battle and we had to wait for them before we could continue on. One of the goats fell off the bridge and had to trudge through the water yelling "Maaaaaaaaaam!" It was a pretty funny sight. We got to the place and our guide started telling us a bunch of info about it. During this time my stomach started getting a little weird on me. It was grumbling pretty bad and about halfway through his speech I informed Brit, "If I don't get to a bathroom right now I am actually going to shit my pants right here." I had to cut our guide off short in front of our tour group and announce that I had to get to a shitter asap. I ran into the place without paying a bypassed the lineup for the bathroom, probably bummed out a few people on that one. Once in the bathroom I had flashbacks of the African elephant center and I had what felt like a million fire ants coming out my butt. Also my hands and feet got insanely itchy during this and my whole body started boiling to probably about 200 degrees. I was covered in sweat writhing around trying to scratch my feet and plams at the same time while pooping. If someone walked in and saw me they would have been like "man that retarded kid has trouble going to the bathroom." After that all subsided a bit I got even more sick to my stomach but this time it was coming out the other end. In the bathroom there was a squatter toilet and western style sitter. So i was sitting on one while puking into the other, pretty much the messiest scene ever and I am actually kinda embarassed writing about it knowing people will be reading this...Finally I got it all outta me and came to my senses a bit which is when I realized there was NO FUCKING TOILET PAPER. I started stressing pretty bad cause I was a stinky mess but I did the only thing I could and ripped off one of my socks and used that to clean myself up. After it was a mess I realized it was one of Brit's socks and that there was no garbage can to put it in so I tried to hide it behind the toilet. Then to make matters worse the goddam toilet didn't flush. By this point I was startin to feel out of it again and I just said fuck it and didn't even bother trying to clean up I just bailed outta there. The lineup was still huge and the next few people were in for a fun bathroom visit. After I got out I told my guide I needed to go back to the guesthouse cause I felt like shit and thought I was gonna pass out. He told me we couldn't cause there was other people already on the tour we had to wait for. So I got to lay down on a bench half out of my mind while Brit ran off to get me a Coke and some water (apparently Coke helps settle your stomach, a travel tip we learned on the road). She brought it to me and promptly let me know "Wow...you look like shit, like actually like you just went for a 1000 mile run after never exercising before in your life...you just look like shit." Such a nice thing for her to say to her half dead boyfriend. So I laid there tryin to drink Coke and she got to run off and play with baby elephants. When I came to my senses I realized a goat had come up and stolen my coke. He knocked it over and drank it all. On top of that there was about 12 Asian tourists surrounding me all taking pictures of me passed out. I hate elephant breeding centers.
After that fiasco I started to feel a bit better and managed to make it out that night to a Nepali dance show that involved them stick fighting while they were on fire. Next morning we went for a jungle cruise/walk in the park. In the morning we cruised on a little dugout canoe along the river beside crocodiles before getting off at the edge of the park. Our guide let us know that we might see bears, elephants and rhino in the park and they might charge us if we aren't careful. If that happened we were supposed to climb a tree at least 6 feet tall, only problem was there were no goddam trees that were even remotely possible to climbing. To protect us our guide had a bamboo stick...just the protection you need against charging rhinos. He also had scars all over his face from a bear attack so he said attacks do happen and to watch out, we were feeling pretty safe to say the least. The walk actually turned out to be pretty uneventful since we only saw some monkeys but it was still tense being in tall grass knowing a rhino could be around the corner waiting to charge you. Also on the walk Brit got sick and chundered all over the place in front of our guides. I should have been compassionate and a good boyfriend but instead I started to cheer and laugh a little bit. Finally she got sick, all this time it has been me and she just gets to make fun of me and call me "diarrhea Dan" and now it was her turn. So yea I was kind of a dick, but I still helped her out a little bit.
So this is about the time I realize the blog is getting way too long and decide to switch to point form (which never even makes it much shorter) so to stick with that theme I'm gonna do the same again!
- Brit got sick and had to stay in bed for awhile. All the workers at our guesthouse knew us as the sick couple and ridiculed us to no end. They also kept saying Brit was pregnant and that's why she was sick. I pulled her out of bed for our jeep safari (I gave her like an hour to rest, what a nice guy hey!?) we drove around looking for rhinos which we did eventually find. We got out on foot and got super close to one which was very scary cause we woulda got trampled easily if it wanted to kill us. Then we saw two more which we also got quite close too.
- We went to a crocodile research center in the park and accidentally ended up inside one of the baby crocs pens, the crocs all started hissing at us and a worker freaked out and told us to get outta there. We didn't know we couldn't go inside.
- Rode some elephants through the park, Brit got mad at the driver cause he was hitting it with a stick. I got to feed it bananas at the end and pet his trunk, Brit was over it though cause shes already got to play with tons of baby elephants.
- Took one more rip at the elephant breeding center and got through it without being sick. Props to my body. Didn't get to pet the babies though cause they were to busy eating and playing to come over and see me.
- Left Chitwan to Pokhara to go trekking. Got there and met up with Sam and Sam, a couple we met in South Africa. We hung with them and convinced them to come trekking with us. This didn't happen though as that night I got super sick again...I ate some bad Momo's and got probably the worst sickness I had gotten the whole trip. Fucking Momo's. I was just vomiting this time so my butt was saved (thank God cause I'm pretty sure by this time my butthole would be about as effective as a cat flap trying to stop the Amazon river) but I couldn't make it an hour without puking for about 3 days. I didn't know I could hold so much inside my stomach but when it came up I could fill up entire buckets.
- Brit's birthday was on Feb 2nd which was a couple days after my initial sickness and I thought I was over it but on her birthday dinner with Sam and Sam I spent the entire time on the floor of the restuarant bathroom...sorry Brit.
- During the time in Pokhara we shopped, rented motorbikes (crotch rockets), hiked, canoed on the lake, went to a bat cave (which was super freaky and I wore my hood like a puss to protect myself from bat attacks) and got massaged by blind people which was fantastic!
- We said a sad goodbye to Sam and Sam and then headed back to Kathmandu. We had a couple more nights in the city we pretty much already saw everything in so we were kinda bored...We checked out the monkey temple which was at the top of about 100000 stairs and had monkeys everywhere. One of them tried to attack Brit and steal her candy which was funny but super freaky at the same time. I also saw a monkey mug a family. It pushed a child to the ground and wouldn't let the family pass until they handed over the fruit they had just bought.
- On our last day we didn't have any Nepali money left and didn't wanna take out more cause the banks ding you extra. So we lived in the lap of luxury with no cash eating nothing but bread and peanut butter all day and doing nothing but wandering around the city...fun times. After that we caught our next flight to China!
And that pretty much covers all we did in the country. Nepal was a pretty decent place but our stay there was 100% hindered by us getting sick. It seemed like there was lots to do but we didn't get to enjoy much cause I spent most of the time checking out the different bathrooms the country had to offer. Out of all the places we've been I think we both felt it was our least favorite so I dunno if I'll be planning on heading back. By the end of it we were both glad to be done and psyched to be heading to China where we both hoped things would be a little bit modernized and our bodies could get a little time to recoup. As a final note I didn't really mention how shitty the places to stay were in Nepal...they all promised amenities like clean water and hot showers but when you got in there the water was ice cold and usually looked like dog doo and the rooms usually smelled about the same. I got in a few arguments with hotel owners and had to storm out of a few places all pissed off. I get that it's a poor place and you gotta take it for what it is, but having people lie right to my face all the time got on my nerves. If you don't got hot water just say so. Hmm, what a nice way to end the blog with a bitchy rant about hotels...
Love your pal,
- Dan
Fattest street dog in Nepal
Rhino sighting
On the way to the jungle walk/Brit's vomit adventure
Goat that fell off the bridge
Our mighty steed
Our not so mighty steed
The 3 day party for 1 I had in Pokhara
Climbing to the summit...the only trekking we got to do in Nepal
Rocket crotch
Couple bats
Sam's not so badass bike
Birthday girl
My experience at the elephant breeding center
Brit's experience at the elephant breeding center
Gettin into the croc pen
Monkey's that tried to mug Brit for her candy
Sam, Sam, Brit, Dan
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